Down the rabbit hole

The meds seem to have kicked in a teensy bit and I’m starting to feel a little better already, even though I’m not to expect any real progress for “one to four weeks” according to the packaging material.  I am, however, experiencing the side effects full on.  I have waves of a little catch in my throat like I could puke, which is quite like the experience of morning sickness if any of you have experienced that.  My arms feel sort of floaty and almost like the blood running through them is chilled.  I also am experiencing scattered thinking, medicine-head brain numbness, lost appetite, and a desire to sleep more than normal.  Oh, wait – those last things were there before the chemicals invaded my brain.

This weekend as is our usual custom, Rich and I went grocery shopping together while we dropped the kids off at the store’s free childcare.  Usually this time is a little mini-date for us – we goof around up and down the aisles and get to talk uninterrupted by Mommy I Wants and Daddy She Hit Mes.  This time I was not in any state to pal around, and as Rich placed items into the cart (items which he had to list and plan for himself), I floated around the store with a flat expression.  I may as well been moaning, drooling on myself and dragging my knuckles, it was so bad.  Who needs a Halloween costume when you already look straight out of something in Shaun of the Dead?  Later that night when I was feeling better, I made a joke about it and the two of us had a good laugh.  I suppose you might as well laugh instead of cry.  It was sorely needed.

The doc told me to keep involved in my daily activities – to make a list if I have to (list? I can do lists!)  and then carry it out.  “You sound like my husband,”  I said to him.  “But it’s easier to hear it from a doctor.”  Chuckle, chuckle.  Earlier in the week, in fact, I had snapped at Rich for suggesting several times that I just need to get out, exercise, and generally get myself involved in my life again.  He asked me what he can do to help.  “Stop saying things like that – that would help me!  If I was capable of exercising I would have been doing it already!”  It hurt him pretty badly considering how sincerely he was asking.

So I am trying to get back into life.  I’ll be walking for exercise again (starting tomorrow), and I’m actually doing the dishes and picking up the house, even though I’m not up to cleaning it outright just yet.  Besides, Rich cleaned it yesterday.  Have I mentioned how much I love him lately?  Well I do.  Even in this fog, I can appreciate how much I have and am thankful for in my life – stable finances, generally good health, and most importantly true love of my amazing husband and children.  With all this going for me, there is no reason I won’t be able to pick my knuckles off the ground, wipe the drool off my face and walk onward.


4 Responses to “Down the rabbit hole”

  1. 1 Hubby October 29, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    Ahhhh, shucks! You’re just buttering me up… 🙂

  2. 2 Jen V. October 29, 2007 at 4:57 pm

    I’m afraid you’re going to put too much pressure on yourself. Give the meds a chance to work. A shower for you and the kids and food for you and the kids is a good day.

    So many of us love you even more when you drool.

    (I made my first post! check it out: )

  3. 3 myallusions October 29, 2007 at 7:11 pm

    Oh, I definately love you more when you drool. Especially with chocolate-mouth and/or red wine-teeth. I love you, admire you and think that JenV is right on. Give things a chance to work. If they don’t, well, we’ll just have to dig into that bowl of granola at the top of the page 🙂

  4. 4 Karen October 30, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    take care and take time. you are doing a great job with the steps you’ve already taken.

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